Currently, I carry the title "audit senior" in the internal audit department of Philippine Fire and Marine Insurance Corporation. Now that may sound accomplishing, but it doesn't seem that way for me. I was so excited when I accepted this job because I knew there was so much to learn, plus the fact that I would have to travel to conduct branch audits. Well, I know I don't have the right to complain, and I don't want this blog to seem like a list of my rantings about my work, but I have to admit my current work is not the best fit for me right now.
I have been dragging myself every morning to go to work. My heart often felt heavy and, to be honest, the work suspension and the flood caused by the heavy rains made me feel glad I had good reasons not to go to the office. It was too selfish and evil of me, but during the rainy days my mind went "go on rain, pour it out and flood our area so I won't have to go to work..." I already asked forgiveness for my selfish thoughts. I knew it wasn't right to pray for that, but I just couldn't help it.
My friends at KPMG recently got promoted as audit supervisors last July 31, 2012. I can't deny I somehow felt envious with them and that's just making my negative feelings worst. I've been thinking if I've made a mistake of resigning from my previous work and accepting the one I'm currently in. I really don't want to think about it that way but it lingers in my mind sometimes. What if I didn't resign? What if I'm one of those who got promoted? Right now I've been wanting to work in Ortigas or somewhere not in Makati so that I can separate myself from them and forget about the negative thoughts that promotion has been causing me. I know I don't have time for regrets, and I should find a way to move on with my life.
I've been employed there for 3 months now. I knew I had to address my situation before its gets worst, so I took the courage of speaking with my manager about it. What I needed was enough guidance over my work, but since he's been too busy, he won't have enough time for what I needed. I'm not blaming him for my current work situation, it just happened that I'm in the position of an "Audit Senior" and as an audit senior I should be able to handle what I couldn't handle right now. Maybe it's because I lack the experience of handling supervisory tasks and suddenly being deployed into such kind of work. That is my analysis of what's happening to me. So the only solution I had in mind is resignation. On the day that I planned to open up with my manager, I felt really nervous but decided to say it anyway. I was able to, and he accepted it graciously although he wouldn't allow me to go unless I have another job to land. Well, I'm still blessed with a boss who thinks about the welfare of his subordinate. I have submitted my application with San Miguel Properties, Inc. and had undergone 2 interviews already. I'm waiting for their call for another set of interview. I'm really hoping that I'd be hired and that the hiring process would be fast so that I can move on with my life.
